Posted By ppitorri on December 25, 2011
Someone sent me a comment saying that he has a snow removal company in Poland. Unfortunately, he left neither his address nor phone number. Now how in the world will I be able to call when I need him?
I live in Virginia.
Posted By ppitorri on October 30, 2011
There is a strategy for avoiding or preventing abuse in the workplace. You need to become familiar with it, establish it in writing, and ensure that each person in your organization receives, and signs for a copy of the policy.
Strategy for Improvement
The strategy for controlling deviant managers involves three steps. First, recognize managerial deviance as a loss producer and an unlawful behavior. Second, write and publish policy to address the problem. Third, enforce the policy promptly and fairly.
Adult Bullies, or Abusers show certain attributes. Here are some of them:
*Antisocial
*Wife Batterers
*Child Abusers
*Insensitivity
* Untroubled by Anxiety
* Lack Boundaries
* Desperately Need Control (therefore, always seek it)
* See hostility in others, to make their own violace easier to excuse
*Easily distressed, difficult to calm down (they invest in conflict)
* They do not achieve socially, economically, or professionally
Tactics for Survival
If abuse of any kind is happening in your workplace, again, there are three basic steps to dealing with it. First, confront the individual with his behavior and its consequences. Second, develop a plan for behavior modification. Third, explain (and be prepared to install) the consequences for non-compliance.
The fourth step, if necessary, would be termination.
The confrontation is not like a stop and search or an internal affairs interrogation. This one-on-one involves first gathering all the facts, consulting with the employee relations manager, or HR, or a psychologist, the equal opportunity officer, or maybe even general counsel.
The meeting is private, quiet, and controlled by the company or department representative. She condemns the behavior, not the person. She explains how bad other people feel as a result of the behavior. (Remember, this abuse could be anything from screaming at employees to sexual harassment.) She explains that the employer cannot allow the behavior to continue because it is demoralizing, hurtful, unethical, and, oh, yes — unlawful. She makes it clear to the deviant (read abusive) manager that he has violated company policy, and that no opportunity will be given to repeat the offense.
The counselor offers a treatment (improvement) plan, and invites the person to share his feelings. If he suggests a different one that can be approved by the employer, the representative or counselor is empowered to authorize it. In either case, she is fully empowered to follow up in whatever manner she deems appropriate.
If the manager (or any employee being counseled) exhibits out of control behavior or inappropriate speech during the interview, the rep terminates the confrontation immediately, has the perpetrator suspended and removed from the premises with instructions to return on a specific day, at a designated time — far enough in the future to have him cool off, but soon enough to make him understand that the company is prepared to deal with the problem.
The Employer As Threat
If the employer allows the abuse to continue, the employer becomes a threat to his own workplace, and may even be liable under existing laws. The employer in this case will have abdicated his responsibility to maintain a safe workplace. It is a basic right and a legal right for people to feel safe at work, and to be immune from physical and verbal aggression and the humiliation and emotional damage resulting from that aggression. Employers have the legal and the moral obligation to protect that right.
COPYRIGHT (c) 2011 PETER PITORRI
Posted By ppitorri on October 23, 2011
An abuser lacks strength of self. Since he also lacks insight, he cannot understand (let alone admit) that he is the cause of friction between himself and his employees (who, if you have not noticed, he sees as his inept kids).
Neither ocean nor mountain can the abuser surmount.
Thus, he sets himself and his employees up for failure. He encourages failure because he is incapable of rewarding success. He himself has had a lifetime of failure; now he is incapable of rewarding successful subordinates. He is also incapable of being supportive of those who fail.
The manager deviate dooms himself to failure because he seeks perfection. He dooms others to failure because he seeks perfection from them, while manipulating them into no-win situations. His need for perfection is irrational. His feelings of inadequacy (begun decades ago in his home and on the school grounds as a child) then push him to frustration, depression, and anger. He hates himself. He hates you.
The Abdicator As Deviate
Teachers often begin a school year by telling their students that prior teachers have praised the childrens’ achievements. These teachers communicate to their students the probability of success. The astute, insightful manager, when taking over a group of workers, will do the same things. Her trust in their ability may be portrayed by such words as, “This group does not need to be managed; you just need to be challenged with new goals.” This woman has taken charge, gently but firmly. She has demonstrated self-assurance. She has established a working alliance.
On the other hand, if a manager lacks the ability to visualize his subordinates as successful, he will not support them. Abdicative managers, like abusers of power, lack a power of expectation. They cannot, therefore, establish quality working relationships. They lack self-assurance, and therefore need to tightly control each relationship. They tend to see others as all good or all bad, a debilitating defense mechanism that may lead to either jealousy or excessive anger. They have such poor self-esteem that they may see any criticism as a personal attack.
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The ability to listen non-judgmentally is a prerequisite to leadership and sound management. Deviant managers rob themselves of their one hope of salvation: the ability to listen to another. They take every criticism or slightest disagreement as hostility, so they tend to shut people out. The deviant manager’s distrust leads him to a desperate need for control. The abdicative manager fears his subordinates and anticipates their disloyalty, so he distances himself emotionally if not physically from them. This distancing, distrust, and control alienate the very people who can make the manager look good: the employees.
Cost and Consequences
Managerial deviates embarrass and intimidate their victims. (Isn’t that bullying?) There is collateral damage, as well. People other than intended targets become victims. This abuse interferes with job performance, causes emotional and sometimes physical distress, and eventually may lead to excessive tardiness and absence, two-hour lunch hours, constant grumbling among co-workers, and heavy employee turnover. The bottom line is that deviant managers reduce productivity, erode profit, and expose their employer to lawsuits.
Affected employees may leave, going to a competitor with company secrets. They may stay, transfer to other positions, but take revenge by stealing, or by misusing company material, or abusing IT services. They may remain in place and steal company secrets to give away or sell; they may purposefully and with malice of revenge subvert the entire company.
Next time: Strategy for Improvement.
Posted By ppitorri on October 9, 2011
The only difference between the school yard bully and the office bully is age. In the office, it’s called abuse. Either way, it causes misery for its victims — misery that can last for decades. You can do something to protect yourself.
Managers abuse power and authority; managers abdicate authority. They’re kid bullies who have never grown up. They are managerial deviates. Managerial deviance is maladaptive behavior by a manager or supervisor that interferes with the activities of daily living on the job. This is aggressive behavior that can originate in a personality disorder or other mental illness.
A lifestyle of aggression is probably formed before age five, with the formation of personality.
Posted By ppitorri on October 5, 2011
Do you remember that old Bee Gee hit, “How do you mend a broken heart?” ?
Have you figured out the answer? Here it is:
Keep the engagement ring.
Posted By ppitorri on September 30, 2011
For sale, barter, or trade: Women’s underwear. Barely worn.
Posted By ppitorri on September 7, 2011
I have forever wanted to begin a tale with those words. As soon as I compose the rest of it, you will be the first to know. Meanwhile, if you have ideas about what you would like to read regarding skip tracing, background checks, investigations, asset searches, or security risk management — let me know. You can reach me at http://skipassets.com or search@pitorriassociates.com.
Posted By ppitorri on August 20, 2011
The last woman in the world sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door.
She was naked, trembling with cold and fear. Early twenties, a bit over five feet tall, short blond hair, damp, clinging to her ears, bright blue eyes, and goose bumps. Sitting six feet in front of a fire blazing in an immense fire place, she shifted position on the old rattan and wood frame chair. Some of the rattan weavings had escaped their frame and were poking her in the buttocks and back, scratching the backs of her legs. She blinked, trying to remember how she got here. Didn’t work. No clue. She searched her surroundings, saw a pile of freshly split firewood about her own height piled next to the fireplace. It looked fresh, smelled fresh, you know, that damp woodsy smell. Searched the rest of the room, saw walls of brick, floors of rough hewn wood, no other furniture. She was in a room about 30 feet on each side. Through a couple of windows, she saw sheets of rain slicing down in the darkness. The rain reminded her that she felt thirsty, very thirsty.
Another knock, this time more forceful.
She tried getting up, maybe even go to the door. Weak, she found, from hunger and thirst, she tripped over a leg of the chair, and cried out as sharp rattan raked her ass in a painful encounter, sending her to her left knee, which took the full weight of her 110-pound body. Now she wept from pain, frustration, anger. Barely able to rise, instead she crawled over to the wood pile, intent on using it to hoist herself to her feet. Halfway up, she thought she heard another knock or a kick against the door. No, it was the loudest peal of thunder she had ever heard; it scared her so badly that she started to stumble, reached out for the woodpile with both hands to steady herself, and brought the entire pile down on her legs and body. She just lay there, hurt, exhausted, bitter, angry, sobbing. Now taking deep breaths, she began to remove the three-foot long split logs from her body, realizing that her already abused woman’s parts were getting slashed and splintered, no matter how carefully she tried to move. Water. She needed to drink.
Banging on the door, insistent, intense.
After a short eternity, she succeeded in disentangling herself from most of the logs. Flat on her back, now desperate for water, she tried to rise by rolling over and using her hands to push up from the floor. Half numb with cold and pain, she failed to note that her right foot was still buried under a pile of logs. Her foot failed to turn when she did; she felt sudden, sharp, intense pain in her right ankle. Undeterred, she managed to get to her feet, and began to search for a faucet, feeling her way along the walls. The room was dark except for the firelight. There was no faucet. Only the rain pelting down on the windows and the roof. From the far end of the room, standing in the corner where two walls met, she heard it again.
Pounding on the door.
Now she realized that maybe she was not alone in the world, after all. But who was on the other side of the door? A man? Many men?
But wait — rain. It was raining, and she needed to drink. Her throat was dry as sand, her tongue barely able to lick her cracked lips. She was dehydrated from emotional and physical trauma. No cups or other containers in the room, so she would have to go outside, naked or not, and try to drink the fresh falling rain. Breathing too hard and too fast, she headed for the door, dragging her right foot. And promply felt body-rending pain in the bottom of her foot, pain that seemed to dash all the way up her leg to her hip. She dropped to the floor. She had driven the bottom of her foot right into a long, sharp splinter.
Beating on the door. Beating and pounding as if the door would splinter.
Sobbing uncontrollably, resolved, she slowly removed the splinter, rolled over on all fours, and headed for the door….
Posted By ppitorri on August 14, 2011
If you would like to have your very own Witness Protection Program, read on. No, I will not teach you how to avoid your debts. However….
If you are a woman wanting to hide from an abusive SOB, email me. I will give you a few tips on how to not leave a trail that your abuser or stalker can follow. Be warned, any personal protection program is arduous — a lot tougher than trying to go on a diet to lose a gillion pounds.
Posted By ppitorri on August 4, 2011
Skip tracing consists of those behaviors used to find (locate, or trace) a person who has left the area — usually owing someone money — without a forwarding address. There are different approaches to this effort, each more or less scientific and artful.
If You Like To Gamble….
One approach that is neither is what I call the “slot machine effort.” You put money into a website that asserts it will find anyone anywhere anytime, and you get back an old address, from which the person moved months earlier. Problem is, you won’t know this until your attorney tries to serve him or her. And by the way, I use these pronouns interchangeably, so don’t get all genderized on me.
Sources and Methods
One source some people try to use is a lawyer. Recently, a client told me that her lawyer had been looking for her husband for three years, without success. I wanted to say, No, he has not been looking at all; that isn’t what lawyers do. Likewise, no attorney is going to commit his paralegal to an intense skip trace — sure as hell not for three years!
Yes, we found him; took about a week or so.
Now pay attention, here’s a source you can try for free: The Internet. Yes, boys and girls, you can meander through the mass of social media for hours, days even. And come up with nothing. Ask any bill collector. Or, you may go to Facebook and hit the jackpot in five minutes. Back to FB later. Bear in mind that skip tracing is research, and researchers use quantitative and qualitative methods. Sometimes those methods work. Other times they don’t. Two years ago, I sub-contracted from a guy who wanted me to believe his company was the be-all end-all of skip tracing. He claimed to have credit companies galore as clients. He sent me intentional skips and expected me to locate them on the cheap. For example, here’s one with a Middle Eastern name and a year of birth, and he lived or lives in New York. Gosh, that narrowed it down, right? Wrong.
An intentional, or hard skip, is a person who purposefully avoids his just and owing debts. Further, he may well be incurring additional debt with the intent to avoid payment. (Some might call that fraud.) He has studied how skip tracers work, so he knows what we look for. FYI, the intentional skip often stays with friends. Like a nomad, he goes from house to house, apartment to apartment, never connecting utilities in his own name, or re-registering a car when he moves, or using a credit card.
Anyway, the ME guy had an interesting last name; so interesting that 42 other people had the same last name, in Manhattan alone! Now normally, a tracer could narrow that rather quickly. Here’s how. First, by using the DOB (date of birth), then the SSN, then the LKA (last known address). As well, we could use POE (place of employment), relatives, hobbies, and so on. None of this information was available, except for the year of birth. Come on now, do you know how many people are born in a given year? And yes, even with that same last name. No, we did not find him.
Maybe if he had been a Facebook fan…. Here’s more on using FB. I will focus on FB pictures. Composition is an essential element of photography. A good photographer shooting people places them in context with their surroundings. In fact, even a non-professional photographer usually places his friends, family, classmates, et al in front of or next to some place or object that is readily identifiable. You can see where this is going: right to her front door.
By the way, if you want more info from a professional photographer, here you go: Michelle at http://photographybyexposure.wordpress.com.
Another source would be – Ta Dah! a skiptracer. I use most of the sources mentioned above (except attorneys and slot machine websites), just for starters. It’s a series of rule-outs, just like your doctor does, when you have a bellyache. I also use websites specialized for investigative research, special databases, reverse cell numbers, other skiptracers, and so on. Most importantly, I report an address only when I have been able to verify that the party is actually staying there (notice I did not say she lives there), which means either (1) I have spoken with the skip or (2) multiple sources, previously reliable, have validated the skip’s location.
Marco — Polo
I’m easy to find: http://skipassets.com.